


A Man

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-15
Updated: 2005-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-01 11:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex thinks he's a man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Man

## A Man

by Lena

<http://www.livejournal.com/users/supesville/>

* * *

He's a Man 

While riding the glass-faced elevator to the top of the Luthor Corp tower, Lex takes a takes in a shaky breath and closes his eyes. But he knows better than to be afraid. At eight years old he was afraid to look down out of a helicopter. This fear - any fear - was unbecoming of a Luthor. "Open your eyes, son." His father had told him. He couldn't do it then, but he can now. 

With a forceful exhalation, Lex opens his eyes and stares ahead. He knows what it means to be a man. And not just any man, but a Luthor. 

Lex walks into the main hall full of guests and suppresses a shiver. How many times did he walk through the halls at school and overhear the names and jeers. "Fag... Freak." At twelve years old, he came home crying with a black eye, a fat lip, and hurt feeling one time to many. His father would not have a son who cried, or, even worse, a son who would lose in a fight. It proved how weak and small Lex really was. 

So after years of martial arts and a couple of growth spurts, Lex is no longer afraid of being dragged behind a door. No one will get the best of him tonight, no matter what they might say behind his back. He continues into the room and begins greeting his father's guests. 

Further into the evening Lex easily accepts another drink from a passing server even though he knows he's already had too many. He remembers being sixteen and throwing up on his bedroom floor. Though no one was there to witness this, Lionel knew. Lionel always knew. And a Luthor can hold their liquor. After three months worth of weekends drinking with his father, and more than a few nauseating episodes, Lex had acquired a taste for scotch and the ability to drink almost anyone under the table. 

So Lex takes another drink, reminds himself not to slur, and carries on. 

After three hours, Lex carefully does _not_ eye the hallway to the restroom. Not even after an hour of discomfort. He remembers his father's meeting when he was fifteen. Too much water and too much coffee and he couldn't help but fidget. His father, glaring in anger, sent him to wait out the rest of the meeting in his office. At least there he was free to fidget unnoticed. He remembers his father's disgust at Lex's weak, pathetic display. "You behave like a child in front of my board members. Why must you insist on embarrassing me?" Lex remembers his humiliation; his shame. 

So he grits his teeth, straitens his shoulders, and stands perfectly still as he listens to his father's associates discuss their latest acquisitions. 

Lex smoothly ignores the beautiful women who proposition him throughout the evening. He hasn't been with anyone in months, and the mere thought brings an arousal in him so strong that it's painful. But he remembers his father finding him with Dave, the son of a nobody in accounting. Dave, who made him feel a little less strung out, a little less alone. He remembers his father's fist, delivering the massage "control yourself son, he's not worthy of a Luthor.", and Lex knew not to betray this weakness. 

So he turns away and thinks of the cold shower that awaits him at the castle. No Luthor would give in to such carnal needs when there is no strategic or monetary benefit. He would never engage in a meaningless fuck with a business associate's son or daughter simply because he couldn't find satisfaction in an appropriate partner or his own left hand. 

And when he returns to the castle, exhausted and alone, he'll seek absolutely no comfort from Clark's late night visit. "Luthor's don't love." The ultimate decree. The hardest lesson Lex has had to learn is not how to stand proud, but how to stand alone. He'll banter with Clark, make plans to meet for coffee, and go to bed alone. Because Lex is no longer a boy. 

He thinks he's a man. 


End file.
